Not much. Do we understand it? Maybe not, yet free play brings us together. If relationships were based on free play it would fill our lives. The problem is that free play is too often thought of as childishly trivial. We tend to think of the word play to mean playing competitive games like golf, football, or poker.  

Free play is different. It's the opposite of aggressive games that devolved through competition, has no mistakes and only one rule.

And I'm not talking about acting like a childish fool. Free play produces the opposite of losers and fools. 

A good conversation employs free play. Free play always works, is fun, and it heals. Jazz artists and improv actors play freely, thinking, “OK, I got your gift of music, of words, and I’ll take it further.”

I am suggesting we employ one simple rule. We call it the rule of improvisation, accept what you get from the other person or situation, and immediately take the risk that your response will take what is happening in the relationship to the next step without censoring yourself. You will find there are no mistakes, only opportunities. The result is creative and fun.

Understand this, when I say “accept what you get,” I am not saying you should agree. To accept is not to agree. It is to say, “Yes, and…” When you accept whatever you get with “Yes, and …” you will be respected, maybe thought witty, usually perceived as humble, and both of you will come away happier. 

Imagine you are sitting on the deck with friends. Conversation has become droopy. Imagine a basketball in your hands. Shape it. Feel it. Say nothing. “Bounce” it up and down on the floor. Catch the eye of a friend. Toss the ball. I bet they’ll toss it back. The chances are the other friends will want to play ball too. And smiles will automatically form on lips all around you.

So, next time someone says something you agree or disagree with, suppress any impulse to say, “no.” Instead, say “yes,” and -if you want to be friends - instantly say or do what comes next without disagreeing. If we could all do this, difficult relationships would become positive overnight. 

Here comes the ball.